Love

Tonight, I am drawn to think about Love. Its infinite depths, complex mysteries, and ever-changing meanings. I am drawn to write about it... because to me Love is the "fuel" of Nwyfre. And for something as complex as Love it is so simple. Ask someone what they want in life and often the answer is "To be Loved" or why we sacrifice ourselves for our families and friends, "Because we Love them".

Even the negative emotions in life can be tied to Love, for what is Hate but Love denied, Envy, Love spurned, or Sorrow, Love Forgotten.

Love can make you move across the country, leave your family, job, everything. Simply because your heart cannot deal with the idea of being apart from the one that brings you such joy. You have a long day at work, the smile of that person can make it all not matter anymore, you simply want to melt into their arms and never leave.

Or the Love of a friend, one who is willing to smack you when you need it. But is always there with a smile and a encouraging word.

This is the power of Love, its ability to heal wounds that you never thought could be mended, or to make you become a better person, the singular ability to be a shield against troubling times and the spur to further action. For without Love what is the point of conciousness, of life.

That is the meaning of Love.

A break

No studying tonight. Can't keep my mind on it. I am upset for some reason, waves of anger and frustration keep sweeping through me. I keep trying to pin down whats bothering me and can't, which adds to the frustration. Now I can't sleep, don't want to read, and its too dark to go for a walk.
Maybe its time for one of my funks, I am way past due, but had hoped moving to be with Kat would have stopped that. I havent had one since I moved, other than the occasional bit of being homesick. We will see. So off to lay down and try to sleep.

Tomorrow is another day, I can go walk for a bit, work out some pent up energy, and maybe come back and work on my Spiral. If so, I need to be sure and blog about it.

Force of Life

Today's topic is the First of the Elements I will be studying for my Spiral.

Nwyfre (NOOiv-ruh) is the source of life and consciousness.

It is the Sky, the Mind, and the Future. The manifestation of Ceugant. The Infinite.

A good place to begin when discussing the elements. For if Nwyfre is consciousness, then it leads its user to itself, to summon and channel Nwyfre is to gain a deeper understanding of our own conciousness. To me this seems like a self-sustaining cycle, you channel, you learn, you get better, so you channel more, so forth and so on.

Life, it is all around us. In the earth, the seas, and the skies above. Life flourishes where we can not even scarcely believe. Conciousness, the Will, that dwells within all of us. It is what makes us unique from everyone else.

Nwyfre is Joy, Happiness. Think of the feelings you get when you see a newborn baby, or a laughing child. That rush of energy, a feeling of lightness in your spirit. That is Nwyfre to me. Nwyfre is the Life Spirit, fed on Joy, focused by the Mind, framed by the ritual and is the power source for Magic.

I am supposed to learn how to summon, direct, and banish Nwyfre at will. That will be the first step I will focus on, summoning Nwyfre to me. To feel the Life Force flowing through me, waiting for me to guide it.

Its Tool is the Wand, the channeler. Given to the user by the Earth, each type of tree grants a different style energy. These few below resonate with me.

Ash: when Focus is required, strength of purpose.
Beech: Protection
Hazel: Knowledge, Wisdom, and Poetic Inspiration
Oak: Protection, Strength, Sucess
Pine: Releasing Guilt
Willow: Cycles, rhythms, healing
Yew: enhancing magickal abilities, death and rebirth, wisdom, Love

To me Nwyfre corresponds well with the Sun Path, the marking of the year. The Four Alban Gates are celebrated by the AODA , others can be used as well. I think I will use the other Cross Quarter days as well. Those resonate with me too.

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I am glad I ended up going back to Magic, I have a feeling it will be a more difficult Spiral to study, but just from reading up on it, I have learned so much. Learning how to channel the Three Elements, learning the rituals, making amulets, making the three tools. All that is fascinating to me, I will work poetry into this Spiral, I can feel it. Maybe in learning how to channel, or when I design my own ritual, that is when I will use poetry. I am definitely on the Path now, I can not see the entrance any more, but I can sense good things ahead. So I will keep walking, inward and outward. Into the Soul and outward towards Ceugant

((Tomorrow, Gwyar, its Tool and the Earth Path))

Magic, Will, and the Soul's Flame

The studies of a First Degree Candidate include three Paths, and one of Seven Spirals. I find that interesting, the three paths help guide us into becoming more aware of the natural world, making us more in sync with the Wheel of the Year, and learning to quiet our minds and souls so that Nature's lessons can be heard. A what is a spiral but a path that leads either inward or outward depending on your point of view. Perhaps in learning about the chosen spiral you are heading inward, blazing new trails in your self, and actually doing or performing the spiral is heading outward, showing what you have learned from the journey inward.

Tonight, I think I will focus on my chosen Spiral: Magic.

Webster's Online Dictionary defines Magic as: the use of means (as charms or spells) believed to have supernatural power over natural forces. An extraordinary power or influence seemingly from a supernatural source.

Dion Fortune defined Magic as the Art and Science of causing changes in conciousness in accordance with Will.

If both are true, does that mean that the Will is supernatural or extraordinary? Or is it the focused will that becomes extraordinary, those few people that look at life and ask... is there more? Why do I feel things and want to learn things that others do not? These are questions that I have asked myself for a long time. Questions that lead me to where I am now.

There are six things that must be done over the initiation year for the Spiral to be considered "complete"

1.) Memorize a Ritual for opening and Closing Magical Space, and practice it at least once a week during your candidate year.

2.) Using any preferred method, learn to summon, direct, and banish the energies of the three Druid elements until you can work with any of them at will.

3) Prepare and Consecrate a Wand, a Cauldron, and a Crane Bag as Magical Working Tools using any preferred method.

4.) Learn to place Magical intentions in stones, as a way of making simple talismans and amulets. Do this at least three times for specific purposeds using any preferred method. Keep notes in your Druid Journal on the results

5.) Read at least three books on Magic during your initiatory year. From this reading, select at least thirty themes for meditation, and use them in your daily meditations.

6.) In your Druid Journal, write at least three pages on the place of magic in Druidry in general and in your personal Druid path.


The three Druid Elements: Nwfyre, Gwyar, Calas. Sky, Water, and Stone.

The three Druid Magical Tools: Wand, Cauldron, Crane Bag

To me the three tools help focus the Will and Spirit to direct the three Elements to perform Magic. The ritual helps provide the framework, but with out the Will and the Spirit are so many hollow words. It is the light of our spirits that make it all work. To me that is what makes it extraordinary, not the Elements, not the tools. But us, those few that are curious enough to look away from the comforts of the mundane and ask.... Why? How?

We, those shining souls, are the real Magic, the very essence of why we are on this path... to answer something that has called out to us, that is what makes the Magic work and is what brought us here in the first place. Thus the Spiral is complete, the journey inward is realized and the world is shown what we have learned.

((Tomorrow. Nwfyre, its tool. And the Sun Path.))

The Descent & The Discovery

First off, I want to explain. I have never been caving (that's cave exploring for those that don't know), I have wanted to for years, just never had the courage to actually try. I have been into a couple of tourist caves though. But as I explained before the similarities and the feelings I get make the analogies work. And maybe one day, I will go caving for real, we will see.

As you walk inward, the light from above gets fainter and fainter, you pass the Twilight Zone and enter the darkness. To me that is how looking inward at ourselves can be, but it is ok, since when we accept our inner selves, the darkness is no longer frightening, because we know what is there. We know the sounds, the layout. And often a light can be found in that darkness, a candle or a lantern lit by a friend or a lover, something to show us that we are not alone in the world. These lights are the guides, the beacons that we use to explore ourselves. Doing so shows us that, yes, we have faults, we are not perfect, but those light-bearers still Love us and will not let us get lost.

I have plenty of Light-bearers, I just didn't know it until recently.

One a friend I met online, who fueled my interest in Druidry, who saved me from falling into very dark places, and helped me find the woman I love. She showed me that there are other people that are interested in the same things, people that you can actually talk too, not just read about on a website or in a magazine. Our vacation to visit her and her family was the greatest I have ever had. The day we discovered our mutual interest in Druidry is one I will not forget. We were like kids weren't we? Foot and Back Rubs to Abby

Another, my girlfriend, who I do love with my entire heart, mind, and soul. She makes me realize I am good man, but makes me want to be even more. Love to Kat

My cousin, a intellectual equal with whom I refuse to cut any slack when debating and in time, with some age will be even more of a challenge. Respect to Jake

My Mom, that goes without saying. I dont have enough room here to write down why, but she knows. Love to Mom

I am journeying into the darkness, due to the Season and its history. With those lightbearers, I will explore deep and discovery much. For those that do not know, I will give a brief overview of what happened. I would imagine that at a later date, I will get out the details as I know it, to help me purge, to look at my thoughts, and to help explain.

Dec. 24 1987, I was 10 years old. My stepfather was murdered that night. Right then, things changed, I changed. Time goes on. Every year around this season, life gets a little rough, I get a bit snarly. Me and my Mom, we pull each other through the season and make sure we laugh and enjoy ourselves. This year, I will not be home for Christmas, it eats at me, but I know we will be ok.

I have decided to take this season, and use it. To take the sadness and perform alchemy, burn away the negative, the gross, and leave the good, the sublime. I will be performing my initiation ritual in Druidry on Alban Arthuan, Dec. 21 also known as Yule. As the Winter Solstice, it is the shortest day of the year. And it is also the celebration of the returning Sun. To me that makes perfect sense, I will be that Sun, shaded in darkness, bound in clouds. Yet I will move forward and change what is usually a negative time of year into a reason for deep contemplation, rebirth and joy.

I have decided to choose Magic as my spiral. But I will mix in some of the Poetry one as well. Magic has always called to me, even when was I ashamed of being interested, I still read about it. Now I have moved past such feelings and am embracing what I am excited about. So we continue the journey inward, down into the darkness, but its ok because we have a light to guide us.

**Note to self: You can do this Bro, stay focused, don't let doubt drown you.**

The Twilight Zone

When most people hear "The Twilight Zone", they think of Rod Serling narrating a series of Black And White Science Fiction stories. But in Caving and to me, the Twilight Zone is the sport, where light meets shadow, where we first enter when we start down the path to view ourselves. It can be a time of great fear and exhilaration.

Sitting here now I feel both, scared and ecstatic, its funny how both sensations are similar. The esoteric and unusual have always fascinated me, ever sense I was a child. I can remember watching TV and reading books on the Loch Ness Monster and Bigfoot, on UFO's and Monsters.
I was at the library today, and Kat found two of the Time Life books on the Paranormal, we bought them for a dollar each and brought them home. The feeling was something really deep, almost telluric in nature. When I was a kid, my Aunt Lori owned the entire set, now my Aunt Lori is probably the most responsible for my being interested in the things I am, she was the person that had me watching horror movies at 6 years old and laughing at them. But when it came time to read those books, I had to get up, go wash my hands, show her they were clean, before she would let me hold them. I look back now and realize... that was a ritual, a literal and metaphorical cleansing before handling something powerful.

I stayed interested in such things, but had to learn to hide it, to cover up what I was fascinated by. While I dont now blame him, at the time I did, my stepdad didnt understand much of what I am drawn too and still doesnt. And his self-defense mechanism for such is to ridicule it and me. So I learned to not talk about what I found called to me. I lived like that for too long. Now I am my own person, I make decisions on what I want to do.

That is frightening and exciting at the same time. So, due to a friend's fellow interest, I found the AODA and their path of druidry. Their self paced style of learning fits me, I can move fast when I feel comfortable and then slow down when I dont quite get something.

I read the book, and found that I did believe in much of what was said, I really found the whole explanation of binaries and Trinaries to be so true. I want to do this, I really do, but I feel that the money to pay them is a step I need to take, one that must be done before I step forward on the path offically.

So, now I have to choose what Spiral I want to follow.

Music: is out, I like listening, but I can't play worth a flip. Maybe if and when I pursue the Second or Third Degree, I may undertake that as something that is a challenge.

Sacred Geometry and Earth Mysteries: I really looked into both of these, but on further study. They seem to meld too seamlessly for me, maybe I am over-simplifying things. But it seems to study one, I will need to learn the other.

Divination: A very likely candidate for the Second Degree, Tarot and Oracle Cards fascinate me, but I do not feel the pull towards them right now.

So that leaves Poetry, Healing, and Magic. Magic has always called to me, I have purchased and sold so many books on Magic that its ridiculous. Healing I have done some of with Massage school, which I am contemplating pursuing again. (There goes my wanting to do so much!) Yet other things are also calling out to me. I want to graduate from college, I want to go to Grad School, all that, I know those are probably a pipe dream, but DAMNIT! I want to try. Ok, rants over... back to the list. Poetry, in the form of haiku, I have done off and on for a long time. So, maybe I will do Haiku and mix in Magic studies as well. That feels right, we will see.

As I said earlier, the Twilight Zone can be a scary place, full of new oppurtunities and dangers, hopes and nightmares. But for me at least, its better than where I was, in a false light, stuck in place not growing. So now I move deeper, into darker places, my Caverns call me and with friends beside me, I will fathom their depths.

The Entrance

Ok, heres the start of this. I know people will wonder about the title of my blog. To many people Caverns are frightening or intimidating places. Not to me, deep underground I feel empowered, truly in touch with the Earth and her pulse. Caves can be perilous to explore, so can the Soul. When delving deep into the earth, you must be wary of cave-ins and falling rocks. When gazing upon your own Soul, you must be prepared to not like what you see, to be troubled by what stares back at you. But from both can amazing things be learned. This Journal will be my exploration of my Caverns, of my depths, to face what lays there and learn from it.

Welcome to the Entrance.

Life is funny, how things seem to work out. From unemployment to school, to a job, to meeting a friend, to a possible career, to losing that job. Yet those negative things led me to be happy for the first time in as long as I can remember. I have been called kind, generous, and compassionate. In some situations, perhaps too much, being a friend to a young woman led me to become stuck in a dark place, that only finally seeking other friends and loved ones allowed me the strength break away from. That strength propelled me to move across the country, give up a job and leave family to throw the dice and let it ride on fate's whims. So begins the journey. Through a friend, I discovered druidry, a spiritual path that I had been interested in before, but had no one to talk to about it. In reading and researching it, I have discovered to my surprise that druidry embraces many of the things I do. So I picked up the book on it, read it and am now working on my first steps down its path. That is another purpose of this journal is for me to put down my steps through the forest and the cavern. Fair warning though, in my entries, I will often go down another path for a time, then return back to the original one. So here I grab my walking stick, get some comfortable shoes on, and start hiking, down into the twilight zone of my soul and into the forest of my future.