The Descent & The Discovery

First off, I want to explain. I have never been caving (that's cave exploring for those that don't know), I have wanted to for years, just never had the courage to actually try. I have been into a couple of tourist caves though. But as I explained before the similarities and the feelings I get make the analogies work. And maybe one day, I will go caving for real, we will see.

As you walk inward, the light from above gets fainter and fainter, you pass the Twilight Zone and enter the darkness. To me that is how looking inward at ourselves can be, but it is ok, since when we accept our inner selves, the darkness is no longer frightening, because we know what is there. We know the sounds, the layout. And often a light can be found in that darkness, a candle or a lantern lit by a friend or a lover, something to show us that we are not alone in the world. These lights are the guides, the beacons that we use to explore ourselves. Doing so shows us that, yes, we have faults, we are not perfect, but those light-bearers still Love us and will not let us get lost.

I have plenty of Light-bearers, I just didn't know it until recently.

One a friend I met online, who fueled my interest in Druidry, who saved me from falling into very dark places, and helped me find the woman I love. She showed me that there are other people that are interested in the same things, people that you can actually talk too, not just read about on a website or in a magazine. Our vacation to visit her and her family was the greatest I have ever had. The day we discovered our mutual interest in Druidry is one I will not forget. We were like kids weren't we? Foot and Back Rubs to Abby

Another, my girlfriend, who I do love with my entire heart, mind, and soul. She makes me realize I am good man, but makes me want to be even more. Love to Kat

My cousin, a intellectual equal with whom I refuse to cut any slack when debating and in time, with some age will be even more of a challenge. Respect to Jake

My Mom, that goes without saying. I dont have enough room here to write down why, but she knows. Love to Mom

I am journeying into the darkness, due to the Season and its history. With those lightbearers, I will explore deep and discovery much. For those that do not know, I will give a brief overview of what happened. I would imagine that at a later date, I will get out the details as I know it, to help me purge, to look at my thoughts, and to help explain.

Dec. 24 1987, I was 10 years old. My stepfather was murdered that night. Right then, things changed, I changed. Time goes on. Every year around this season, life gets a little rough, I get a bit snarly. Me and my Mom, we pull each other through the season and make sure we laugh and enjoy ourselves. This year, I will not be home for Christmas, it eats at me, but I know we will be ok.

I have decided to take this season, and use it. To take the sadness and perform alchemy, burn away the negative, the gross, and leave the good, the sublime. I will be performing my initiation ritual in Druidry on Alban Arthuan, Dec. 21 also known as Yule. As the Winter Solstice, it is the shortest day of the year. And it is also the celebration of the returning Sun. To me that makes perfect sense, I will be that Sun, shaded in darkness, bound in clouds. Yet I will move forward and change what is usually a negative time of year into a reason for deep contemplation, rebirth and joy.

I have decided to choose Magic as my spiral. But I will mix in some of the Poetry one as well. Magic has always called to me, even when was I ashamed of being interested, I still read about it. Now I have moved past such feelings and am embracing what I am excited about. So we continue the journey inward, down into the darkness, but its ok because we have a light to guide us.

**Note to self: You can do this Bro, stay focused, don't let doubt drown you.**